Would we travel all the way to South Africa for a cheese festival? Course we would, especially when there's a CHEESE EATING TIMETABLE. If overdosing on dairy is your idea of a good time, fly to the Mother City (that's Cape Town) for 25 April. Here's the rest...

SWIM: CAMPS BAY AND FALSE BAY

Whether you’re a surfer or a sunbather, Cape Town’s location (where the Atlantic and Indian Oceans converge) means you’re sure to find your kind of beach. In fact, the choice is a bit bewildering – Camps Bay is a honeypot where the glitzy locals hang in upmarket beach bars (daring a dip in the freezing water), while False Bay offers warmer and less frantic waves, and colourful cabins line the sands.

STAY: ELLERMAN HOUSE

Looking to burn through the holiday fund? We recommend you start with a stay at Ellerman House, one of Cape Town's most dazzling hotels (it also has one of the best wine cellars we've seen). The views over the water are off the scale, and the rooms? Mega. From £309 per room, per night B&B. ellerman.co.za

DRINK: LONG STREET

Here's a tip: don't go the V&A Waterfront for drinks. It's full of red-faced tourists sipping wine in manufactured bars with zero vibes. Instead, bar hop along Long Street, where you'll find everything from backpacker hangouts to smoky joints packed with locals having a dance. It's the best place to get a real glimpse into the heady Cape Town nightlife (which is the nuts, by the way).